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Help
for Interruptions and Noncompliance
Are you having trouble with a child who
constantly interrupts you when you get on
the telephone or computer? Does your child
ignore you when you ask them to do
something?Then do something about it,
starting today! From my experience as a
former nanny usually these issues don't just
magically appear at age nine or ten. I've
met a couple of parents who insist they
never had a problem with it before. In most
cases I tend to disagree. It slowly builds
upon itself. The more you overlook the
problem or pay little heed to it because
that's easier to do, it will continue. When
the behavior escalates to be a real nuisance
that's when you start deciding it's a
serious issue. Think about this: There are
parents who think it's cute when their
two-year-old interrupts them to give them a
hug and some sweet talk when their working
on the computer. But then these same
parents, when their child is older, get
upset when their child interrupts them to
ask them questions when they're on their
computer working. Your child needs to know
what is expected of them early on. It will
save you from getting aggravated later.
To stop the
cycle of noncompliance that is already in
progress, sit down with your child when you
both are relaxed and explain to him or her
what kind of behavior is expected of them.
Let's take this situation: Your child often
interrupts you while you're on the phone.
Tell your child they need to respect that
when you're on the phone you don't want to
be disturbed. If they need to tell you
something they are to wait until you're off
the phone. Unless of course the house is on
fire or some other emergency. I also
recommend this, before you get on the phone
(1) tell them you're getting on the phone
and (2) ask them if they need anything
first. You are giving them an opportunity to
have your attention. And you could stop an
interruption from occurring if you can solve
a problem or a need now. (Do this even if
your child knows you get on the phone
everyday at 4 p.m. to make work calls.)
The case of the
mysterious tummy aches. I met a mother who
told me her daughter mysterious would get
stomach aches when she got on the phone.
They would strangely disappear when the call
was over. We both agreed her daughter was
seeking attention. To combat the problem the
mother would tell her daughter whenever she
about to go on the phone. She would then ask
her daughter if she needed anything because
she didn't want to be disturbed while on the
phone. The mother also made her telephone
calls shorter. She cut way down on long
conversations of an hour or more, unless her
daughter was in bed. The mother also would
periodically stop talking on the phone at
her discretion and check in with her
daughter to see if she was doing okay. The
phone related stomach aches lessened, a lot.
This advice can be beneficial as well if you
frequently get interrupted while on the
computer while paying bills.
What if your
child refuses to comply on other matters
other than reoccurring interruptions? If
they refuse to bus their dinner plate after
dinner, turn off the T.V. when told, or
other such things, bring an end to this
disobedient behavior by not indulging in
arguments or threats about it. Do not
repeatedly threatened them to stop doing XYZ
or else. Why should they if you won't ever
do "or else." Tell your child what you
expect of them and if they don't do it then
they will have a consequence; such as, lose
computer time for that day. Don't go
overboard and say for a month. Do day by
day. When you pick a consequence make sure
that it's an actual consequence. Don't say
you can't ride your bike if they don't like
to ride their bike anyway. Pick something
that will encourage them to correct their
behavior. Once you give a consequence don't
back down. Don't be drawn into an argument.
Tell your child there will be no discussion
about it. And the consequence is not open
for negotiation. Some child can be very
defiant so you must stick to it. They might
rebel and have a tantrum. They are pushing
to see if you really mean it. DO NOT BACK
DOWN! You can tell them you are not backing
down and if they are upset about it they can
go to their home. In some cases you might
have to escort them there.
That said, I do
support positive reinforcement; especially
with children with ADD and ADHD. When you
see your child busing their plate or doing
their homework before T.V., acknowledge it.
Tell them what a great job they are doing
and that you really appreciate them
listening to you. Children like to be
praised. And people of all ages like to be
appreciated. You can offer incentives to
your child for not interrupting you while
you're on the computer or for when they wash
the dog when you ask them. Pick incentives
your child will like. However, don't go
overboard. One incentive I'm not crazy about
is offering monetary incentives for good
behavior. As an adult you do not get money
for not yelling at your brother. And I have
yet to hear about a child who grew up and is
repeatedly rewarded $2 every time they pick
up their clothes off the bathroom floor.
I have a B.A. in
Sociology and I'm a former nanny to children
with parents in the entertainment
industry. If you have a child who has
serious outbursts, is argumentative, rude, out of control,
difficult, or defiant try the
Parenting program
Total
Transformation. You can read reviews on my site at
Harmony-in-the-Home.
Follow my Parenting blog at
parentingtipsandmore.blogspot.com |
