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Defiant
Teen- Help for a Difficult Teen
Last month, as I
was walking my dog, I passed my niece's high
school where the students park their cars. I
saw a shiny new black sports car with a
license plate rim with something to this
effect: I SAW. I WANTED. I THREW A FIT. I
GOT IT. (without the periods of course) Now
I immediately thought the rim was a joke.
But then I rethought this. Maybe it wasn't.
Maybe the teen that owned that car did drive
his or her parent(s) crazy until he or she
got it. And maybe this teenager has been
doing this for years. Maybe since the teen
was young he or she knew if they made a big
enough fuss that at some point their parent
would give in. Perhaps the parent figured it
was just easier to give in. Or he or she
didn't want to feel like a bad parent. Kids
are smart. They can learn to manipulate you.
"Dad, you can afford it! Why can't I have
it?! GIVE ME ONE GOOD REASON!" The parent
could have five good reasons. And the father
might not be able to afford it. But does
child care? To be honest, no. They just want
what they want. Even if your teen wouldn't
throw a fit about getting a car, they might
throw a fit about coming home by a certain
time or doing the dishes after dinner. Some
parents find it intimidating to stand up to
a teen. Physical speaking it's easier to
discipline a five-year-old who is smaller
than you, then a hulking six foot son. But
you must. Some parents hate tough love. But
I'll share something with you. Teens can
listen if they want to. They will if they
know there are REAL consequences at sake.
There are many teens that have jobs. If they
can keep a job and obey their boss, how come
you're having trouble? Because they know
from years experience what they get away
with, with you. With their boss, he or she
doesn't have an emotional attachment like
you. If the teen gives them lip, the teen
could very well be out of a job.
So if you're a
parent of a defiant or noncompliant teen,
grit your teeth and set limits. But set the
limits when you're both calm. This is
important for you as the parent. You need to
be in control mentally to be in control of a
situation. So do not threaten your teen with
XYZ in a fit of anger. Think of a time when
you saw someone yelling at someone else in
total outrage. They do not look cool and
composed. They look frustrated. A rebellious
teen who wants something would rather have
their parent frustrated, not calm. A calm
parent looks more in control. And less
likely to give in. If you really plan to
start setting limits today with your teen,
then you must NOT BACK DOWN from set
consequences you give if they disobey you.
Even if your teen sulks and says mean things
to you. If you give in this time, you will
be on the merry-go-round with defiant
behavior with your teen again. If you have
an out of control teen it's too late for
negotiating or discussing terms. Teens are
smart. They know when their parents have
back bones or not. As long as you are fair,
give them praise when it is due, they will
respect you in the end. I have yet to hear
of someone who respects a jelly fish. So
don't be a jelly fish. You deserve respect.
If you have a teen who is
argumentative, verbally abusive, out of
control, defiant, or difficult try
Total
Transformation. You can read reviews
for it on my site at
Harmony-in-the-Home.
Follow my
Parenting Blog at
parentingtipsandmore.blogspot.com |
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