Teenagers and
Peer Pressure
Sometimes teens get
themselves in trouble by being in the wrong
place at the wrong time. With the wrong kid
or kids. Teen years can be an insecure time,
fraught with pressure. Pressure to do well
in school so one can get into the right
college. Pressure to excel in sports or
other activities. Pressure to fit in with
peers. Pressure to have a
boyfriend/girlfriend. Pressure to seem cool
and in the "know" about things.
Peer pressure can be
quite stressful. Actions your teen normally
wouldn't consider if by himself/herself
might be reconsidered in the presence of
another teen or teens. This is why it's
important to know your teen's friends. A
teen that constantly hangs around friends
who skip school and do drugs is at a higher
risk of doing it himself/herself than a teen
that has friends who excel in school and
don't party hard. People tend to pick up
habits, good and bad, from the individuals
they regularly associate with. It could be a
pattern of speech, the way they view the
world around them, to what is morally and
ethically acceptable and unacceptable. It
could even be a new hobby they pick up. Does
this ring a bell, "Please Mom, can I have a
________ because everybody else has one?!"
Everybody else being, those in their circle
of friends or in their school. Or the cool
kids.
The need to be accepted
is natural. But it can come with high costs
for a teen. A teen might want his/her
independence, but isn't able to handle it
responsibly. Drinking (alcohol) and driving
is an example. Another example is a teen
that frequently socializes with other teens
that steal. Even if he swears he's not doing
it himself, and therefore gives this as
reason as to why it's okay he hangs out with
them, he's still at risk. Even if he doesn't
think so. He's not thinking things through.
If he's with these friends when there's a
bust he could be in real trouble. What if
one of his friends buddies puts something in
his backpack so the buddy won't be caught
with it. Your son now is up a creek. If your
son wasn't mixing with this crowd he
wouldn't be in the fix he now finds himself
in. Teens need to know they need to be held
accountable for picking certain friends.
This brings us to group
mentality. It can be very strong. Especially
if there is a charismatic leader in charge.
Let's say your daughter really wants to fit
in with the cool group at school. Let's also
say she admires their leader. She might end
up doing something mean to impress this
leader. Also, if this group's mentality is
that it's okay to do the things we do
because we're superior, what is this
teaching your daughter? That if you think
you are superior your say counts more? Even
if years later she regrets the mean things
she did, she has still hurt people. If you
catch your teen doing mean things call them
on it. If they try the excuse, "But everyone
else was doing it," remember it's an excuse,
not a reasonable reason. If many people in a
neighborhood steal from a local store when
there is a disaster it still is wrong. And
against the law.
If you find your teen's
personality is changing for the worse have a
talk with them. They might not want to talk
with you but find out what's going on
anyway. Have a relative who they are close
to get the "411" as my teen niece calls it.
Also, if your teen is normally easy going
and cheerful, but has suddenly become
aggressive and sullen, don't ignore it.
Check it out. Are you going through a
divorce and complaining to them about it?
Are you working long hours now and hardly
seeing them because you think it's okay
because they're almost grown up? Stop.
Rethink. They aren't adults. You are. You
need to be the one they can reply on. Be
there for your teen.
Find out what your teen
is doing in school and after school. Find
out what they're doing on the weekends and
with who. And remember a busy teen is less
likely to find time to get into mischief. If
presently your teen is getting into trouble
with friends from school talk to your teen's
school counselor and get them involved in
after school activities, charity work, or
have them get a job. This way they have a
chance to meet new friends who might have a
better influence on them.
If you have a teen who
is out of control, rude, difficult, or defiant try the
parenting program
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